it took me a year, to finally get what I wanted: closure.

everything’s cool now, for me at least. i do not have anything yet to achieve or deal with, because I did everything to finally be in peace. sometimes it was hard, and someone ended up hurting, and even if I’m deeply and honestly sorry, now I’m just trying to live happily and drama-free.

it was a long year, a long and sometimes difficult year, but I think it’s my best year to date. I had fun, laughed, cried once or twice and felt sick for a while, but at the end, everything had it purpose, and all the things together created something awesome, like a puzzle.

I was mad during the first months of the years, like for no reason. well, i thought i had some reasons at first, but now, those reasons are just gone, and I’ve got the good out of all the shit.

then, the moment I realized everything was exactly the way it should be, in that moment, when I first said “fuck, now I’m feeling like myself, but better. fuck yea I’m at my best now, everything’s cool” then I was ready. ready to finally be someone’s.

had my doubts at first, had my fears, like I think it’s normal behavior, but I ended up trusting, and caring.

definitely a better version of myself, with no baggage and no past, just myself. honestly myself. not caring about meaningless stuff, but caring about what really matters, and for the first time I feel pretty damn good about it.

i guess this is what the past couple of years had brought me.

i’ve been accused of not been mature enough lately, and it’s pretty funny, because I don’t care. mature or not, that doesn’t mean I’m doing something wrong.

I changed my life, but still, I’m faithful to who I am.

I’m a boring guy, I’m sometimes bored, sometimes busy, and sometimes it happens that I actually work. I act badly sometimes, but now I know how to make it better. sometimes I care, even if I don’t say so. I care about a bunch of stuff, but keep talking just about myself.

lately I’ve been insecure, yep, me. but there’s no reason to hide it. and also, I’ve said “I’m sorry” a lot.

I’m far from perfect, but even this way I met someone, I met colors.

it’s funny how someone that is nothing like myself, is the one that changed all my rules, and made my mistakes something not to be ashamed of, but something I could use to be better.

he wouldn’t like this whole thing I’m writing, because it’s unnecessary and too personal, and too much. too corny.

BUT I GOT TO SAY IT

he made my year way better, it’s the glue I needed, and it’s nothing I thought i wanted.

I’m still scared, but at least for now, i don’t have to worry about it. the only thing I know for sure it’s: he’s not time waisted.

it’s enough. it’s already more than I thought I needed and wanted. and I’m happy, in all ways, no matter what you think happiness is, that’s what I am.

that’s how I say goodbye to my 2011, with closure and with hope. all I ever wished for.